When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer’s arm and beat him to death with it.
Game, set, match.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because “The Sum of All Fears” is the name of Chuck Norris’ autobiography.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks.
So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
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Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows – A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
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Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris’ testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
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